First signs of empathy

This week has been a bear, but, I remembered one of the little gifts from this weekend and it made things seem a lot lighter...

I think little boys are such little cavemen. Boy has taken to crawling around and stealing other baby's toys and then hitting them on the head. The little girls just look so puzzled, but the other little boys look, like, hey, good idea! I am always concerned about Boy growing up spoiled or mean, that was until last weekend. We were taking a GLORIOUS bed-nap together and when he awoke, he raised up on his knees, hands in the air and come smashing down on my eye. Now, this is not too common, usually, the dog is under the smashing and not my eye. And in case you are worried, the dog is 70 pounds of fur and muscle, she will not be destroyed by Boy.

As he raised back up, I got his attention and we looked each other in the eye and I said "OOOOOWWWWWWW!!!!" It was not a shout, it was a loud talking voice. I also made a very pouty face. Immediately, his lip protruded and he began to pout and his eyes welled up. He then dropped him cheek onto my chest while looking at me very sadly as if to say, "I am so sorry, I didn't mean to hurt mommy, I love you, please forgive me, I am clumsy." I hugged him and told him Mommy was ok, and he was forgiven but to be careful. He pouted another minute or two and then we resumed playing. I had no idea a child so young could show that emotion. I am less worried about him being mean, phwew!

Rough couple of days

Work is crazy and home is crazy. Needless to say, I am crazy now, too. No real time to put together a solid post, just know, things are wild right now. I hope to post later this week. Jenny, I will take advantage of your tag probably tomorrow. I have been in meetings on Monday til 8 p.m. and again tonight until 8 p.m. Tuesday I had a meeting at 7:30 a.m. I am quickly becoming convinced someone does not like me right now!

Missing Boy, blogging and figuring things out. More later, I promise!

Now, I am a mom

Just time for a brief update. I actually feel like a mom now. I am so proud of myself and this weekend created lifelong memories for me of Boy and I. I thought I was doing something nice for my hubby by sending him out of town for some man time, when in fact, it was a gift to myself. The gift of time, confidence, experience, love joy, all of it. It was just lovely. Here are the ways it was different than normal:

Working
I can procrastinate tasks
Momming
Life is very time sensitive

Working
Split focus on work and home
Momming
Total focus on Boy

Working
Filled with sound
Momming
Quiet much of the day aside from my own voice!

Working
Unlike a marathon, there is no finish line to many work pressures
Momming
Just like a marathon, just keep moving forward

Needless to say, at least now, I know what I am missing. Thanks for your support in this endeavor. I am sure more thoughts will come to me about the time I spent, but, I have to say, I am actually energized at work today. I needed that! Now, need to look at all my options.

Seriously, I rule!

I totally did it! I was scared that I would not be able to, but I did. I thought maybe I would have a meltdown or buckle under the pressure to entertain, but I stayed at home with no help from anyone and was a mom.

Boy did really well. He was obviously confused as I am much mushier and less hairy that his normal care-taker, but I even flung him in the air, flopped him around on the bed, went for an epic walk with Boy and Dog and even went to Gymboree. I fed him, changed nappies and put him down for two naps. Now, I am sure you veterans at this are like, yeah, so? Well, sure, yeah, so? But I did it. I am not exhausted (yet). I managed to shower, eat all my meals and check email a few times.

I do now see how lonely this job is and that it feels very isolated. Sorry it is like that. Now that I have experienced that, I think I need to come up with a new tool, technology, something to help stay at home parents to keep them from feeling so alone and isolated. I am so impressed with my hubby and everyone that takes this responsibility on. And I am so proud of me and Boy.

Jenny - sorry about your eye, are you ok?!?

Note: Limited blogs this weekend

Hi awesome readers,

I will be a stay-at-home, single mom starting tonight, therefore, I may or may not have a chance to blog. Check back on Monday for an update, unless I find a moment to capture some thoughts. I am a little nervous and have very low expecatations of what I can get done, but I am sure I will have fun! Possible topics for Monday include:

*Hubby ordered back to work
*Another trip to the emergency room
*WORK RULES!
*I am never leaving Boy again

Happy weekend and be well,

Briefcase Mama

Having it all - the curse of my generation

Driving home from work at 6 p.m. last night, I realized that growing up female in the Title IX era created some profound psychological implications. Our parents were one of the first to try to raise their daughters to believe they can be anything they want to be and in fact, they should go for their dreams and goals with gusto. Girls can be anything, President, a pilot, a doctor, things that were traditionally male before our parents generation. It is a wonderful message. They also are the first parents that had to have both parties at work to make ends meet in most cases. Thus began the myth of "Having it all", in my mind.

Fundamentally, it is crap. You cannot have it all. And if you do, you certaintly don't enjoy it or are only getting 1/2 of everything. Right now, I have an amazing career and an amazing son. However, when I am at work, I really want to be at home and when I am at home, I am worried I didn't get enough done at the office. All the stay at home moms I know wish they went to work sometimes and all the working moms wish they stayed home. It is a myth. Sacrifice is what it means to have it all which is counter intuitive to the concept. And, btw, sacrifice sucks! The concept of having it all makes me feel like I am missing something. It also makes me feel like I don't have to choose and makes me mad when I have to. I think having it all is a damned if you do/damned if you don't thing.

Anyone have any thoughts on this one???

Being "in the club"

Hubby and I were married for 11 years before boy (BB) and dated for 5 years before that. Needless to say, we were blissfully set in our ways. We don't have more than a handful of good friends. I think the latest tally is actually 6 close friends. We have moved around a lot and learned to rely on each other as partners. We trust each other implicitly, love each other deeply and respect each other completely. It takes a lot of effort to be in our circle, mostly because, well, we really just prefer each other's company.

When Boy was born, we didn't immedately know what to do with him. I mean, he wasn't "in the club". Of course we loved him, he was our child, but, it wasn't that insane goopiness everyone tells you about. It is entirely possibly hubby and I are defective in some way, but it is the truth. We couldn't figure out how this creature was supposed to get in the club.

It turns out, all he needed to do, was allow us the time to get used to another person in the club. He earned his way in with smiles and endearing little quirks, oh and the laughs! Now, I think he is the king of the club. I am finally at that stage in parenthood that looks really cool. I am just smitten with this kid. Glad he's in the club. The club is even better now! Who knew.