Getting closer...

I know I blog every once in awhile, but today, I wanted to share a few things.

1. I am very likely to go public soon
2. Because I am about to become a stay at home mom!!! YEAH!

I think I have about another month or two of work and then, I will be able to teach my little sweetie all the things I hope to teach a little boy. I culd not be more excited. I plan to move the blog to another place and talk about women, moms, politics and hot issues, as I have some wild opinions! I will be sure to update this site when it is time to roll!

Feeling a little blue

Last night Boy had trouble sleeping. He had been doing SO WELL up until the last week or so. He has been waking early, EARLY in the morning and hubby typically takes him if I am going to work, which I think is really lovely. But this morning, after an amazing day to buy a potty yesterday, I realized I have missed the opportunity to teach him almost everything. I missed teaching him how to sit up, crawl, walk, talk, stack, most of the early joys. And even thought I got to see all of the firsts, I wasn't the teacher. And now, I won't be the one to teach him how to use the potty that he is so excited about. I am really missing out. I figured that I have maybe 6-12 more months working and then I am going to be the primary caregiver and get to teach, but what will be left? I mean, I am missing a lot and I am not sure why?

Timing is everthing

So, this article popped up on my radar screen today...Unfortunately, it is too long for me to get all the way through, plus, I fear if I do, I will quit tomorrow. I do love when I feel validated though!

Family vacation

Tomorrow we are taking Boy on a plane again. We are going to visit friends in the south we have not seen for years. These friends have shaped so much of our lives and I cannot wait for them to meet the child I never thougth I would have. When I was a much younger woman, I never wanted children. Didn't really see the point. Much of the time I spent with these people was in those years. These friends taught us all about good relationships and successful marriages. They taught us so very much. And now, here I am with a great marriage and a lovely child. There is something magical about sharing your child with people who are very dear to you. I cannot wait to see these wonderful friends.

Light burden

A friend of mine once told me a story about how it made her feel when she would leave her house for the day with her handbag, laptop bag, the Netflix return and her workout clothes while her husband walked out the door with his wallet. She reflected on this and was so angry that somehow her burden for the day was so heavy and her husband's so light. They talked about this and how it made her feel that she was carrying a greater burden for the family in this symbolic way.

Lately, my load has heavy, but I have been working hard to lighten it. Moving to a colder climate makes a heavier burden, coat, hat, gloves, purse, briefcase, gym clothes, Netflix, faxes, etc. I am working on this. I have started to leave the briefcase at work and only take the workout clothes when I know I need to. And then today it was unseaonably warm. No coat, no hat, no gloves, no briefcase, no Netflix, no faxes, just a purse. I cannot tell you how good it felt to leave the house with just a purse and head to work. I felt light and happy. I wish every day was like this morning! Amen to a springlike winter day!

Grandparents are awesome

Since we have moved back to the Midwest, my parents have visited a lot and we are so grateful for the time. Boy loves them and they love him. They are so sweet and give us time to be a couple again which is so lovely. Most of all, I love that Boy is going to know them REALLY well. He trusts them, loves them and plays with them. It is one of the greatest gifts I have been able to give me son. Way to go mom and dad.

Being a working mom can be so sad

I am incredibly fortunate to have a great job that affords us a nice life. And because we can do this, one of Boy's parents can stay home with him. Problem is, sometimes, it isn't his mommy.

Boy loves us both very much, but because Hubby is the one who is his primary caretaker, he is beginning to get most comfort when he needs it frmo daddy. Which, I am sure you can imaging is heartbreaking. My heart breaks when he falls and runs to daddy not mommy and in the morning when I greet him and he looks for his daddy. I know what dads have felt for years. I am feeling sometimes like I am not close enough with Boy. It is really difficult.

Luckily I am no workaholic and get home each day before 5:30. But, that doesn't change the fact that sometimes, I am his mommy in name only. One of the many things about being a working mom that you just never think about when you make those choices.

My son still doesn't sleep

I must be the very worst mother ever as my son still cannot sleep. He wakes at least three times a week during the night while we are asleep and nearly every night right as we are going to bed. It is so exhausting, mostly for hubby who stays at home (because he rules). I wish so much that we would have been able to gird up and let him cry it out sometimes, but alas, we didn't and 17 months later, still no consistent sleep. Pray for us!

Happy New Year!

Boy has holiday madness. He cannot sleep and is so full of energy. I am grateful for such a lovely family, but I am more excited about the opportunity to go to bed tonight when he does!!

Why so fast?

Why do children go SO FAST. Boy simply will not slow down for anything. Everything is running and rushing. And if he had some semblance of control, it would be fine, but, he is merely 17 months old. Are all kids like this? Is it a boy thing?

Either way, bumps and bruises and coming much faster and much more furious.

Real effort needed on this one

My inlaws make me crazy. The challenge here is how in the world am I going to not poison the well for Boy? I would say without a doubt this is my worst habit that must stop (oh, yeah, swearing too!).

You see, Boy it turns out is a little quick on the verbal uptake. He pretty much understands everything we say now. He answers questions and can follow directions.
So, when I grumble about MIL, he hears that. I can't let him hear it, but the woman makes me insane.

So, 2008 is going to be the year of the language alteration program (or LAP for short). I will have a mouth full of blood from biting my tongue, but the LAP must go into effect...NOW. This blog will be the saving grace as Boy cannot read yet (key word, yet!)

What a wonderful time!

This year I am proud to say that despite all of the chaos and upheaval, I had what really could be the perfect Christmas. I accomplished all I set out to do. I baked cookies, settled into a new home, trimmed a lovely tree, bought my son a bevy of gifts from Santa, and spent time with my family both core and extended.

This Christmas was full of joy, pride, warmth, love and happiness. What was last year's loneliest Christmas ever was nearly erased from memory by this one. We were surrounded by family and people who love us. We received small gift from my parents and they really gave their grandson really fun things. He learned who his grandparents are which is in itself a real gift.

Being back in the Midwest reminded me of all of the goodness in people. Little gifts and baked goods were left on my desk each day from coworkers. And seeing the wonder and awe in the eyes of my child brought me to tears of joy many times. He is growing up so fast. I am in such a better place now to be able to truly enjoy these moments and relish them as they only happen once.

Where is the world have I been?!?!

Greetings and salutations from the scenic Midwest. Since my last post (an embarrassing three months ago), the following has occured:

I quit my job
I got a new job
I shipped two cars and a dog
We moved 2,200 miles to a new city
I started the new job
We lived in two different corporate housing apartments (& cried)
We sold a house
We bought a house
We moved into house
We baked Christmas cookies
We celebrated Christmas (& cried)
We played Santa
We visited family

And now...back to our regularly scheduled programming!

I have finally managed to find balance in life with a child. It was hard and long and really draining, but I did it. I am finally ok with where I am and I think I am doing right by my little angel.

Even though I feel I have found this balance, there are still things that are challenging. I plan to write about those in the coming weeks and months. It is nice to be back and blogging after the chaos that was my life.

What is a mom?

A few really great friends have found out they are pregnant lately and it has caused them some anxiety about what kind of a mom they will be and although in the past I have blogged about different kinds of moms it made me really think about it. Honestly, I have determined there is no prototype for moms. A mom can be anything, come in any shape, size, or form. The only requirements are love and kindness. All moms are different and make all kinds of choices. I like that. I like the mom I have become and I relish every day of my new role.

Traveling with tots

Hubby and I went to visit some frends in a resort town we used to live in this weekend. We took the whole circus with us, boy, dog, you name it, it was in the car. BB (before Boy) road trips were common and frequent and fast. We would set land speed records, now, we poke along at a pace that at best could be described as leisurely at worst, I could walk faster than this! We learned this trip that in order to travel with tots, frequent car breaks and snacks are critical components. I look at this weekends 6 hours in the car to travel 230 miles as airplane practice. Our flight to the new location will be about 4 1/2 hours. Wish us luck!

And then, you think you are Britney Spears

About a month ago Boy developed some staining on his teeth. I began a slow decent into freak out mode. I researched online about the staining (which was gray) to ensure it wasn't tooth decay. Because, if it was tooth decay, I am clearly the worst mom in the world, the worst! I learned instead it was likely to be due to too much iron in his diet. Here is how my head worked with that information: too much iron because he was formula fed because we couldn't figure out breast feeding meaning I am the worst mom in the world, the worst I tell you! So, I made an appointment with a dentist. I hung up i the process when I pictured this little angel in a dentists chair and gave our doctor a ring. We had our appointment on Monday where I learned I am NOT the worst mom in the world, simply a good mom who had a child with an ear infection and the meds discolored his teeth. huh, a good mom? really? What a releif!

And then, they drive you bananas

Boy is having a tough time sleeping, still, 14 (effing) months later. He wakes in the night and we agreed long ago we are not cry-it-out people, but for crying out loud! Couple this with lack of interest in walking and I am about to be a Mom Gone Mad!

Boy is incredibly tall for his age (he is more than 34 inches!!) and like all 14-month-olds, he is wiggly and long and getting REALLY heavy! Since he won't walk and he wants to be held. I love holding him, but, when you hold him, he wants down. Honestly, this is getting silly!! I know I am not alone and I know I will regret being so frustrated by this phase of his life, but, I know hubby and I could REALLY use some rest as we get ready to move 3,000 miles away.

I know that it is going to get really hard for all of us for the next few months, but, I just want one more night of sleep, and MAYBE a walker...someday!!

Decision made

We are moving. If I get the offer tomorrow, I will work for the next 12-18 months for a new company and then take 2 years off as a family. Hubby will continue to stay at home. If the offer does not come or is insufficient, hubby will work for the next year and I will stay at home. We will then swap again. I am very much looking forward to getting my house on the market and getting back home. Everyone is thrilled about the decision! Thanks to all of you for your support and kind words. So excited about the rest of my life!

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

Hey there, just a note say hey and that I was back in the Midwest this week in an interview with an amazing company. I was impressed. Hubby and I are expecting offers by the middle of next week, meaning we should be making some key critical decisions in the coming week, and man, does my recycle bin shown it! Our options look like:

A.) Stay in our current location (very spendy market with no friends or family but gorgeous scenery and many lifestyle pursuits) but we expect the job offer to be a MAJOR increase in salary. Hubby would continue to stay at home
B.) Move to the Midwest (much cheaper market with lots of friends and family and no real lifestyle pursuits). The money would be a smidgen less than current Hubby would continue to stay at home.
C.) Hubby telecommutes from wherever, I stay home. We would likely make a slow move back to Midwest or cheaper western market that offers lifestyle pursuits, but no friends and family. The money would be less than current.

It will honestly be the toughest choice of our life. I have no idea what we should do, BTW, this is contingent on getting ALL the offers. Not getting all the offers would make this a lot easier, or harder...tough knowing.

What would you do???

It's all about spin

I have decided that I am no longer a Working Mom, I am a Mom that works. I realize it is semantics, but I think the prioritization is important and it is enabling me to think about my life and roles differently.

Discuss...