Sunday, April 1, 2007

The Scarlet Letter - Ambition

For the first time in my life, I talked my way OUT of a promotion. I have been working so hard for so long lately. However, I have not missed out on anything with the boy. Typically, I get home just after 5...I have a tiny commute! And I finish my job after the little man is in bed. This works for our family.

I had my annual review this past week where my boss told me I was kicking tail, but have to start delegating and start innovating for the company again. I love having this permission. It really makes me feel empowered to get back to what I love doing.

I have been driven my whole life. In the course of this year, I have excelled at work. Our company is driven by revenue and I lead my office to exceed targets. FAR exceed targets. This has led to talk of a promotion for me. When I talked to my boss about this at my review, she was very candid about the role and the promotion and said that it was mine for the taking. Normally, I would have said, yes, please right there on the spot, but I looked at the photo on my desk and said, let me think about it in terms of my current role and getting the most for my career and for the company. My boss was pleased and when I spoke to her the next day, I said, that I am thrilled to have this opportunity to evaluate, however, I have only been in this role for a year and think that I still have more to learn and want to be more prepared for the challenges of the next opportunity. She was pleased, but all I could think about was missing any more time with my son.

It was like an out of body experience. I was just hovering over myself saying, nah, I will pass on this amazing opportunity to get even closer to the goal of running the company because, frankly, I am putting in enough time right now. I can see someday down the road taking that role on, but for now, I am happy to continue to grow in my current job as my son learns to crawl. So when people ask my if having kids changed me, I just smile and say, in more ways than I could have ever known.

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