Thursday, March 15, 2007

Damned if you do, damned if you don't

We are thinking about taking a trip and leaving our son with a trusted family member. Sounds sane, logical and completely safe. But I swear I cannot reconcile it. I am so worried about how he will do with someone else while I am out and about with hubby. And it got me thinking, I feel guilty about everything all the time. Anyone else feel like this?

I mean, I feel terrible when I have to rock him to sleep that I am setting up bad sleeping patterns, but I would feel bad if I let him cry himself to sleep. I feel bad for giving him a paci instead of letting him calm himself. I feel bad about everything all the time. How can this be? I swear I am doing some things right, or maybe not. I just cannot escape the feeling that I am not doing the right things for the long haul. Then, I try to remember my baby-hood. Of course, I can't and he won't either. But I can't remember that or believe it.

I wish there was something that anyone could do more to make me and moms like me feel confident about our abilities. I know I could use that, preferably in cocktail form ;-) Or maybe I am alone in this one. Of all the things I have talked about with other moms, this is not one that has come up yet.

It makes me wonder, when will I feel successful at mothering like I do at work?

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