Wednesday, July 4, 2007

I'm cured

This blog was set up as a way to manage my post partem depression. It is a place for me to talk about my feelings and experiences and share with anyone who would be interested to read about the challenges of motherhood. It is a hard gig and for me, it was bordering on impossible at times. Now, I am managng much better. I am happy again. The glass is half full again and I have a renewed confidence in my abilities as a mother. I was afraid of motherhood. Because this fear was so pervasive, I avoided having children for years, chosing instead to live the DINK lifestyle to the n-th degree.

Obviously, I grew up and realized that I would like to try to have a child and experience life's wonders all over again. The fear never subsided, yet the desire for a child outweighed the fear. That fear created a disasterous first year as a mom. I know it sounds dramatic, but, the first year with your child should be filled with joy, joy joy not fear, tears and anti-depressants.

All this being said, on Monday, I went for my semi monthly visits with my psychologist. We talked about my confidence and the weekend as a single sahm and how powerful I felt and that I feel like a mom now. She said we should reduce our visits to once a month...WOW! I guess I am cured. I do feel better, but it was really cool to be validated by this person.

I do expect to continue blogging even though I am feeling much better. Thanks for riding along through this phase of the journey. On to bigger and better things. If this post were the end of a movie, the credits would roll with the Kinks song Better Things. If you don't know it...go listen to rules!

Look for the following upcoming posts:
My recent job interview
My direct reports are a bunch of whiny bitches
Dating your new friends
Why do I ever let people stay at my house?

Finally, my house will be full of people (family) in one week, pray for us all!


chlorinejenny said...

PPD, I had it bad. Motherhood was not all rosy and happy and full of joy for me either. It was my crotch ripped in half and sewed up with a million stitches, me crying, baby crying, my guilt because I didn't want a baby hanging off my boob every minute of the day, no sleep, Effexor, weight and body image problems...

At my worst I seriously contemplated running in front of a train. I really thought I wanted to.

I know what you were taking about. I felt like I was completely alone. I won't get preggers again because I am afraid of that place.

I hope you don't stop bloging! I like you!

Working Mom said...

Thanks! I won't stop, no way. There is so much to share. I wish more people would be more honest about those initial months. It was so challenging and the other moms make it sound so rosy, but, it isn't. I, too, wanted to step in front of a bus. Horrible. Just horrible. But, I love the place I am now. I also think those moments are so worth it to get where I am now. Thanks as always for your support.

serket said...

Congratulations on feeling better! Plus you'll probably save some money now by cutting the number sessions in half. I found the lyrics to Better Things.