Thursday, July 12, 2007

Pulling the trigger

I have been pretty unhappy lately and after much thought, I am unhappy with myself. I don't like how I look and I feel it is impacting my marriage, family and work. I am lacking confidence and feeling very beaten down and up. I realized that I am the one beating myself up and only I can take ownership and control of the situation. I can continue to make excuses, or I can make changes.

Being an older mom, I know myself pretty well. I know what works for me and what does not. I know that I am going to piss and moan about not getting back into shape until I weigh 300 pounds. I cannot do that. I cannot set that example for my son and I know my husband misses my hot body from college! Hell, I miss my hot body from college, why wouldn't he!

Knowing myself the way I do, I know I will not just start going at this stage in my life. I also know what motivates me or better yet, what WILL get me out the door. I know that it is costs me money, I will do it. I also know if someone is pushing me out the door, or that I have committed to someone else I will go, I may whine about it, but I ultimately will go.

Therefore, I am going to hire a personal trainer to come get me 4 times a week from my office or house and work my ass out for an hour. I will pay them handsomely for 8 weeks. In addition, for every pound I lose, the trainer will get a bonus! I am confident this will work for me. Since it is money going out, I will take it seriously. And, since someone is putting time on my calendar, I will be forced to comply. If a trainer comes to my house at 7 a.m. to go run or lift or whatever, I will do it and they can lead me. I know how to eat properly and I can and will do that, it is the boost I need. I figure 8-10 weeks of this will get me started. I have 30 pounds to lose...ready, set, go!

1 comment:

chlorinejenny said...

I had a personal trainer a few years back-well, 8 years ago, and it was great! They get you going like you said, for the first little while and then you can do it a little more on your own. You are going to feel so much better with the exersice.

Good idea.

You know you are still having effects of the ppd. All the weight gain and self loathing is part of it, believe me.

I want to be a yummy mommy too-for my whole family. I focus on my weight and looks so much because I feel inadiquate(can't spell) in other areas of my life.

I wish I knew you in real life. We are very similar in thinking, I think.